One of the most difficult parts of co-parenting after starting to live separately is transitioning your child between homes. Whether it’s once a week, every couple of days or some other arrangement, preparing for and carrying out these drop-offs and pick-ups can bring out a lot of anxiety in everyone involved.
Younger children may have a more difficult time if they’re not used to being away from one parent (most often their mom) overnight. However, kids of any age can resist the disruption in their schedule. Here are a few ways to help make transitions easier.
Keep exchanges brief and cordial
Further, if their parents are anxious or resentful about handing their child over or just having to deal with their co-parent, kids can pick up on those feelings. If these exchanges are always accompanied by arguments or even stony silence, it’s only normal that a child will dread them.
If you and your co-parent aren’t on good terms, don’t prolong the hand-off. If there are things that need to be discussed, do it at another time.
Keep to the schedule
Even if you haven’t finalized your parenting schedule, you need to have something in place to follow – particularly with school starting soon. Give your child a copy of the schedule in whatever format is age-appropriate.
Don’t create unnecessary delays or show up early to get your child unless it can’t be helped. Consistency is essential for helping a child adjust to moving between homes and adjusting to their new life.
Don’t treat the exchange like a trip
If your child is moving between homes regularly, don’t treat their time away from you like they’re going away to camp or to visit relatives. Parenting experts caution not to make them pack a bag. They should have enough clothes and other essentials in both homes so that they can settle in right away. They typically shouldn’t need to take more than their backpack.
Don’t make a big fuss over saying goodbye or that you’ll miss them. That could make them feel guilty or provoke emotions they might not have otherwise experienced. Everyone needs to adjust to this being the new normal for your family, even if it doesn’t feel normal yet.
By having at least a temporary parenting schedule and parenting plan in place as early as possible after you separate, you can help your child feel like you have this under control. Having sound legal guidance will help.